Transcripts listing

The Best of Art Mann Presents...

Episode Number: 103

Episode Title: The Wildest Festivals

Description: This week enjoy giant burning marionettes, bull testicles and people mooning trains.

 

Transcript:

THIS WEEK IT'S THE WILDEST FESTIVALS (ART'S THEME MUSIC)

I GOT TO HURRY, WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SHOW THIS WEEK HERE'S WHAT WE'RE DOING WE'RE TAKING A LOOK AT THE WILDEST FESTIVALS IT'S ONLY A HALF HOUR SHOW SO WE HAVE TO FLY WE'RE GOING TO START BY GOING TO FLORIDA FOR THE GASPARILLA PIRATE FEST GASPARILLA IS WONDERFUL, IT'S A TAMPA TRADITION JOSE GASPAR AND HIS PIRATES THEY COME IN AND THEY INVADE TAMPA AND THEY TAKE OVER THE CITY THEN WE CAN DRINK AND WE CAN PARTY AND HAVE A GOOD TIME

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BEADS ISN'T IT? -IT IS, ALL ABOUT THE BEADS

I'VE BEEN HERE OVER 7 YEARS SO I KNOW IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR THAT LONG -NICE

YOU KNOW WHAT I LEARNED REAL FAST? IT'S NOT A GREAT IDEA HAVING SOMETHING THAT THEY WANT AROUND YOUR NECK WHEN YOU GET TOO CLOSE TO THEM AH, WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD (LAUGHS)

THE GASPARILLA PARADE IS WHY WE'RE THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS I GOTTA THANK YOU GUYS BECAUSE THIS IS ONE THING TO COME TO THE GASPARILLA THING AND TO DO THE PARADE BUT TO BE ON THE FLOAT IS PRETTY COOL. WHAT IS THIS CRAZY CANAL WE ARRIVED ON? THIS IS THE HILLSBORO RIVER AND PEOPLE LOVE TO COME OUT HERE ON THEIR BOATS TO ENJOY GASPARILLA WE CAME IN ON THAT, IT WAS A PIRATE SHIP, THAT WAS NUTS OH YEAH THE PIRATE SHIP PICKS UP THE PIRATES OVER AT THE TAMPA YACHT CLUB AND THEN THEY COME OVER HERE, THEY DISEMBARK AND THEY TAKE A BUS OVER TO THE BEGINNING OF THE PARADE WHAT UP! GASPARILLA BABY, WHOOOO! WHOLLY CRAP TELL ME ABOUT THE PARADE, DO YOU KNOW ANY HISTORY ABOUT THIS THING? NOT REALLY (LAUGHS) WE COME EVERY YEAR THOUGH WE KNOW THAT MUCH OUR NEXT FESTIVAL TAKES PLACE IN A PARKING LOT THAT'S RIGHT, IF YOU GO TO A JIMI BUFFET CONCERT, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT MUSIC, BUT IN THE PARKING LOT THAT IS THE PARTY

(LAUGHS) I NEED TO TALK TO THE INVENTOR TELL ME, START TO FINISH HOW'D YOU DREAM THIS THING UP? WELL I'M A BUFFET FAN SO THAT SHOULD SPEAK FOR ITSELF HOW IS THAT? DOES IT TASTE ANY DIFFERENT IT WAS KIND OF GOOD (LAUGHS) WANT TO TRY IT OUT? -HE WILL IT'LL DISPENSE A SHOT FOR YOU -OKAY SHOW HER HOW THIS WORKS, HERE HE COMES SEE YOU LIFT UP THE SKIRT (LAUGHS) I TAKE IT YOU DON'T WANT A LITTLE SIP? I DON'T THINK SO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S NOT MY STYLE WHAT CAN I TELL YOU? PARROT HEADS FRO LIFE I'LL EAT HAMBURGERS, CHEESE BURGERS IN PARADISE, LOOK AT THAT HEY, YOU GUYS SEEN THE CHEESEBURGERS

TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW WE GOT THE BEER BONG, TWO TUBES SO TWO GUYS GOTTA GO WE THROW A COUPLE GOLD FISH IN THERE -OH, THAT'S GENIUS BUT WHY THE GOLDFISH THOUGH? -WHY NOT? YOU'RE A BUFFET THAT MAKE SENSE?

LET'S SEND THOSE GOLDFISH FOR A RIDE, LET'S DO THIS

(LAUGHS) THAT'S FANTASTIC

OH NO!

OFFICIAL THINK THE BOOBS ARE HEARING SOME MUSIC, THEY WERE DANCING, THEY ARE DANCING HAVE A MIND OF THEIR OWN. THEY CERTAINLY DO IT'S ART MANN HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING? -DOING GOOD WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? THIS BITCH IS F# # KING DRUNK AND SHE'S LAYING ON THE GROUND ARE YOU A DESIGNATED DRIVER? -YES, I'M DRIVING EVERYBODY

(ALL TALKING)

(LAUGHS) OUR NEXT FESTIVAL IS A MOBILE FESTIVAL, IT'S A TRAVELING PARTY IT'S CALLED BAY TO BREAKERS IT TAKES PLACE IN SAN FRANCISCO AND WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF IT I'M BROADCASTING LIVE FROM SAN FRANCISCO BABY DON'T STOP BELIEVING DUFF MAN IS THRUSTING IN THE DIRECTION OF THE PORTAPOTTIES WHAT IS YOUR PLAN RIGHT NOW? PLAN IS TO GO BY A LIQUOR STORE KEEP THE DRINKING GOING ON OUR FLOAT IS A MODEL OF UTILITARIAN DESIGN BEER, ICE, NOTHING EXTRA

YOU CLEARLY ARE A SKILLED BARTENDER, WHAT ARE WE DRINKING? WE'RE DRINKING THE FINEST 6.99 CHAMPAGNE MONEY CAN BUY AT SOME OF THESE EVENTS I HAVE TO ACTUALLY ASK QUESTIONS AT THIS EVENT, WATCH WHAT I DO (SCREAMS) OUR STORY IS.. HEY IS THERE ANYMORE BEER? HEY! HEY!

HEY LET'S HEAR IT FOR DUKE DUKE!

(SCREAMS)

YOU GUYS LIKE LACROSSE? (ALL TALKING) THEY PLAY IT ON THE GROUND RIGHT? OH THEY PLAY.. WHO WANTS A MUSTACHE RIDE, THAT'S ALL I WANT TO KNOW AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A FACE, YOU HAVE A PLACE TO SIT

(SCREAMS) IT WILL HOIST THE GENTLEMAN INTO THE AIR AND WE WILL PUMP HIM FULL OF BEER INVERTED, YES INVERTED HE IS A 255 POUNDER AND HE IS A BIG BOY OH SH# T YOU F# # KING FAIRY GOD DAMN IT

HOW'S IT GOING? -I'M THE NEXT BARISHNOKOV OR BILLY ELLIOTT IF YOU WOULD LIKE SHOW ME SOME DANCING RIGHT NOW WATCH THIS, GIVE HIM SOME ROOM

WELL DONE THE EVENT IS LIKE 2 MILES AHEAD OF YOU GUYS WE'LL CATCH UP, DON'T WORRY WE'LL JUST FLY

YOU KNOW THAT YOUR LIKE IN LAST PLACE. OH I'M IN LAST PLACE? -EVERYONE ALREADY WENT BY SHOULD I JUST START RUNNING? -SURE

SHE'S RUNNING FOR THE MOVIES HOW ABOUT THIS ONE, HOW ABOUT A FESTIVAL ALL ABOUT FOOD IT'S IN SAN ANTONIO THERE'S LIKE 800 EVENTS AROUND FIESTA SAN ANTONIO WHAT WE ARE TOLD, WHAT OUR RECON TELLS US IS THAT THIS EVENT, TAKE A LOOK, SHOW THEM THE SIGNS A NIGHT IN OLD SAN ANTONIO THIS IS THE EVENT TO FOCUS ON

WHERE ARE YOU FROM? HI, HOW YOU DOIN? UH, I'M OSCAR SAN ANTONIO, BEEN HERE ALL MY LIFE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT NIOSA STANDS FOR BUT IT SURE IS GOOD THIS IS CHEESE CAKE IN A PINOT DOUGH DEEP FRIED YOU LIKE A FAT MAN DON'T YOU? I LOVE A FAT MAN! LOOK AT ME, THE WAY WE EAT OUT HERE, THIS IS HEALTH FOOD I'M PUTTING SOME WEIGHT ON, YOU KNOW I'M A HEALTHY FELLA YOU GOT FROG LEGS COOKING FRESH, RIGHT OFF THE GRILL RIGHT HERE DO YOU EAT THE FROG LEGS? -I EAT THE FROG LEGS THEY'RE MUCH BETTER THAN THE CAT FRIES, YOU NEVER WANT TO EAT THE CAT FRIES, EAT THE FROG LEGS OH, IT SQUIRTED WHY AREN'T YOU EATING THE FROG LEGS? CAUSE I'M PREGNANT AND I ALREADY HAVE TWO LITTLE FEET INSIDE OF ME KICKING, I DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE

UH, REE BEEP I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO YOU, I DON'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT THE FROG LEGS, IT FELT UNNATURAL IT JUST DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT HERE'S THE THING, ONCE YOU WEAR THOSE GLASSES, FROG LEG EATING, THAT'S NO BIG DEAL OH, NO, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT GIMME A LIST OF THE THINGS YOU'VE CONSUMED SINCE YOU GOT HERE SINCE I GOT HERE, I'VE HAD 1, 2, 3, 4, ABOUT 7 BEERS WHEN I GOT HERE I WAS 130 POUNDS ME TOO (LAUGHS)

WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE BUDDY? CALF FRIES ALL RIGHT, ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS -TRANSLATION BULL TESTICLES STRAIGHT UP BALLS HUH? DESCRIBE WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE THEY CUT THEM IN STRIPS, THEY SEASON THEM, THEY DEEP FRY THEM, AND THEY'RE THE BEST (MOOING SOUND) C'MON YOU CAN DO IT (CHEERS) (HE'S DONE THIS BEFORE) I COME HERE EVERY YEAR FOR THIS ONE SINGLE THING CALF FRIES, IT'S THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN GET EM SHOW ME HOW IT'S DONE

NICE! HE DID IT OH, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK RIGHT NOW AND WHEN WE COME BACK..OH NO (CHEERS)

YEAH!

THAT'S GOOD LUCK RIGHT?

TELL THEM WHY THEY SHOULD COME HERE THIS IS THE BEST PARTY IN TOWN BABY IN THE WORLD WHOOOO UP NEXT A FLOATING FESTIVAL IT'S CALLED LAKE OF THE OZARKS EVERYWHERE WE TURN IS JUST ANOTHER ROW OF DEBAUCHERY IT'S JUST ROW AFTER ROW HERE SICK LOOK, ANYWHERE YOU LOOK

WHAT'S GOING ON! PARTY COVE LAKE OF THE OZARKS BABY (YELLING) WE WANT TO SHOW OUR BOOBS, CAN WE?

ALL RIGHT MAN TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR STORY I'M JUST A CHOREOGRAPHER AND AN ARTIST SIGNED WITH TRAK BOYS IS THAT HOW YOU END UP ON THE SICKEST BOAT? IN THIS WHOLE LAKE ACTUALLY ME AND JE WE'RE REAL TIGHT, WE'RE ABOUT WORKING TOGETHER WHO DO YOU KNOW TO GET INVITED ON HERE? UH..WE DON'T KNOW I GUESS YOU JUST HAVE TO BE HOT

HOW DOES THIS MEMO GO OUT WHERE ALL THE CRAZY HOT GIRLS END UP ON THE SAME BOAT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL THE CRAZY HOT GIRLS, THERE'S HOT GIRLS, THERE'S CRAZY WOMEN EVERYWHERE THIS IS YOUR BOAT RIGHT? -DUDE DO YOU EVER PINCH YOURSELF? THIS IS AMAZING I MEAN THIS IS LAKE OF THE OZARKS I MEAN LOOK AROUND IT'S F# # KING AWESOME OUT HERE

IS THAT YOUR BOAT OVER THERE? THAT'S MY COUSIN'S BOAT YEAH UH, WHAT'S GOING ON MAN? I DON'T KNOW MAN PARTY GETTING NAKED AND GETTING DRUNK ARLO LOOK AT HER. RIGHT THERE. YOU KNOW I'M ALWAYS SAYING I'M A LITTLE WORRIED BECAUSE MY MOM WATCHES THIS SHOW I THINK SHE SHOULD BE WORRIED THAT HER MOM SEES THE SHOW

I LOVE NOT HAVING TAN LINES I CAN TEL -THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF IT IS THIS TYPICAL MISSOURI, IS THIS THE ATTITUDE RIGHT HERE WHERE IT'S JUST LIKE IT'S FREE, IT'S SMILING FACES IT SHOULD BE THE ATTITUDE, NAKEDNESS SHOULD BE THE ATTITUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE, I SEE YOU WITH A NIPPLE THERE I CAN'T HELP IT, IT'S BEAUTIFUL THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND THIS ONE'S MINE (SCREAMS)

YOU LIKE TRAINS, IT'S TIME FOR THE CABOOSE FESTIVAL AND I DON'T MEAN THAT LITTLE CAR AT THE END OF THE TRAIN, I MEAN THIS LITTLE THING AT THE END OF MY SPINE AND I'M WHITE SO IT'S VERY LITTLE AND FLAT WHAT IS THE DEAL ON THIS THING? HOW DID THIS GETS STARTED? DO WE KNOW THE HISTORY WELL YOU KNOW HERE'S MY WHOLE THING I WAS SLEEPING THIS MORNING, THIS GUY CALLED ME UP AND HE SAID LOOK I HEARD THIS THING ON THE RADIO HE'S LIKE THESE F# # KING PEOPLE COME OVER HERE AND THEY FLASH THE TRAIN I GO LIKE ABOUT 30 SECONDS LONG IT'S ABOUT HOW LONG MY TRAIN LASTS

ARE YOU HERE TO SAY YOUR ASS IS READY THIS YEAR? I SPENT 7 DAYS IN CABO MY ASS IS TAN TELL EVERYBODY WHAT YOU HAVE GOING ON NOW THIS IS A PERSONAL THING BUT WE'RE ACTUALLY RECRUITING FEMALES TO SHOW US WHAT THEY HAVE TO OFFER AND GIVE THEM MONEY TO COOL THEMSELVES OFF

(SCREAMS)

YOUR CHEST JUST BUMPED INTO MY HAND AND IT WAS HARD AS A ROCK BUT HEY, DID YOU READ IT? DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAD NOW TELL US WHAT JUST HAPPENED THERE WITH THAT GUY WITH THE GIANT HAIRY ASS WELL I BELIEVE SPHINCTER BOY WAS HERE YEARS AGO AND HE GOT A LITTLE OLDER AND A LITTLE LESS ATTRACTIVE, KEPT WEARING HIS KILT AND I JUST DECIDED TO GIVE HIM ONE UP THE SPINCHY

I DID UH NOT SACRIFICE MY COOLEY CUP BUT I DID SACRIFICE ABOUT A QUARTER OF COORS LIGHT ON THAT ONE WHEN IS THE NEXT TRAIN? DO WE KNOW? DO WE HAVE THE SCHEDULES IN OUR BRAIN I JUST LISTEN FOR THE HORN 10 MINUTES? -I DON'T KNOW, I'LL BE THERE.

OHHHH!

(SLO MO SOUND)

THANK GOD FOR THE HARD HAT HARD HAT!, HARD HAT!

THANK YOU

WHAT TIME DID WE START TODAY BECAUSE YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE BUZZ GOING (INDISCERNIBLE) WHAT? IS TODAY TODAY? WHAT? THAT'S SPANISH, YOU GUYS SEEN THE PRESIDENT ON TEXAS ALL THE MEXICANS RUN OVER I'M UH, YEAH WE'RE .... GIMME THE HISTORY, WHAT YEAR DID THIS START? OH THIS STARTED I THINK 20 YEARS AGO AND THE PEOPLE AT MUGS AWAY THE MUGGER BET HIS FRIENDS DRINKS TO GO OUT AND MOON THE TRAIN. AND THEN THEY WENT AND MOONED IT AND THEN AFTER THAT IT TURNED INTO A BIG FIASCO LET 'EM FLY

IF YOU ARE A FAN OF THE TESTICLE YOU'LL LIKE OUR NEXT FESTIVAL, IT'S THE TESTICLE FESTIVAL

TELL ME ABOUT THIS FESTIVAL BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT THE TESTICLE FESTIVAL? THE TESTICLE FESTIVAL YOU KNOW WHAT FROM WHAT I TAKE IT IT'S JUST WHERE THEY SELL BALLS BUT YOU HAVE A BALL, RIGHT? I WAS EXPECTING TO SEE ALL SORTS OF VARIOUS TESTICLES PREPARED DIFFERENT WAYS THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT IS IT? NO, NOT AT ALL, WHAT WE'VE DONE IS WE TAKE THE TESTICLE, WE SLICE IT THIN WE BREAD IT AND WE DEEP FRY IT -NICE SO HAVE YOU TRIED THE TESTICLES YET? I HAVE A COUPLE YEARS AGO YOU KNOW THEY'RE A LITTLE SPONGEY NOT REALLY THAT GREAT AND THEY MAKE YOU KIND OF SICK BUT WORTH TRYING ONCE TELL ME ABOUT THAT FLAVOR IT TASTES..IT'S BETTER THAN CHICKEN STRIPS, YOU WANT A NUT? -NO, NOT YET, I'M NOT READY YET WHAT DO YOU THINK..WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE LITTLE STAGE OVER THERE I JUST SAW A GUYS PENIS (LAUGHS)

SEEING THAT BALL JUST HANGING THERE I TELL YOU WHAT -IT'S SCARY TAKE HER DOWN -ALL RIGHT I'M SURE YOU'VE USED THAT LINE A DAY OR TWO IN YOUR DAY

IT'S GOOD HUH? IT'S NOT BAD (LAUGHS) IT'S LIKE FRIED PORK CHOP WHAT'S THAT LIKE TOUGH THING I'M CHEWING THOROUGH? UH, -WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT I WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT THIS FESTIVAL THAT'S COMING UP RIGHT NOW IS VERY UNIQUE IT'S A GIANT BURNING MARIONETTE OF DOOM AND GLOOM, IT'S THE ZOZOBRA FESTIVAL

I'M READY FOR SOME FACTS ON THIS THING BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE BIT PUZZLED THEY TELL ME IT'S GOING TO BE LIT ON FIRE AND PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CHEER, THAT'S ABOUT ALL I KNOW THE WORLDS LARGEST MARIONETTE, 49 FEET TALL, LOADED WITH PYRO BEYOND AN AMAZING FIREWORKS SHOW AND WE'LL DISPEL OF GLOOM, OLD MAN GLOOM, THIS EFFIGY IN A COUPLE HOURS AND I HEAR THAT THIS GUY, HE DOESN'T JUST GO DOWN EASILY I HEAR HE FIGHTS HE FIGHTS, HE FIGHTS, HE GROANS, HE MOANS (CHEERS)

WE WERE LIKE RIGHT THERE WHERE WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALLOWED TO BE HANGING OUT AND THIS STUFF IS LANDING ON US AND EVERYTHING I KNOW IT WAS FUN I WANT TO SEE SOME WORRY FREE DANCING RIGHT NOW

DID WE GET RID OF SOME WORRIES TODAY, WHAT DID WE GET RID OF? WE BURNED DOWN ALL THE BAD SH# T FROM THE PAST YEAR

(SCREAMS) CA VIVA -WHAT DID YOU GET RID OF? OH, ALL THE WORRIES, ANYTHING BAD THAT'S HAPPENED THE RAIN BUT I KIND OF LIKE THE RAIN IT'S ALL GONE -IT'S ALL GONE, IT'S PERFECT! (SCREAMS) LA FIESTA WHOOO IT'S TIME FOR A FESTIVAL THAT CELEBRATES LEATHER SO IF YOU LIKE LEATHER, YOU'LL ENJOY THIS AND IF YOU LIKE MAN ASS, YOU'LL ENJOY THIS BECAUSE MAN IT WAS OUT IN FULL FORCE WE'RE IN SAN FRANCISCO FOR THE FOLSOM STREET FAIR IT'S ART I'VE SEEN SOME WEIRD SH# T TODAY YOU BUY THOSE HERE? -I DID AHHH, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN SEE THIS ANYWHERE ELSE

I WANT YOU TO DESCRIBE THIS RIGHT NOW SHOCKING YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, THIS IS SOME CRAZY FOR A GUY LIKE ME ROAMING INTO THIS, THIS IS A CRAZY SCENE TALK TO US ABOUT THIS OUTFIT WELL I USUALLY DO ROPE WORK ON OTHER PEOPLE BUT I JUST WANTED TO DO A LITTLE MYSELF GIMME THE DESCRIPTION OF WHAT'S GOING ON HERE ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? -IT IS, I JUST WANTED THE NEXT BITE OF YOU SAYING WELL IT'S A GORD AND IT'S ON MY THE NATIVES OF WEST PAPEAU IN NEW GUINEA WEAR WHAT IS CALLED A PHALLOCRYPT OR CORTECO OR PENIS SHEATH CORD AS A MEANS OF CULTURAL MALE ENHANCEMENT TO INCREASE THEIR STATUS IN THE TRIBE AND ALSO FOR IT'S ORNAMENTAL AND SEMI PRACTICAL USES WHAT IS THIS DEVICE NEXT TO YOU RIGHT HERE THIS IS F# # KZILLA SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME FOR US THIS IS F# # KZILLA SINCE YOU ARE SO PASSIONATE TELL THEM RIGHT NOW WHY THEY SHOULD COME TO THIS UH-OH ASS (LAUGHS)

CAUSE IT FEELS GOOD

I'VE BEEN COMING TO FOLSOM FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS IT'S THE BEST PARTY IN THE WORLD, YOU GUYS HAVE A SHOW BEST PARTY SPOTS THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD, YOU NEVER WANT TO MISS IT ARE YOU A? YOUR NOT AN ACTUAL COP ARE YOU? -NO (LAUGHS) ANYTHING YOU WANT TO FIND, YOU CAN FIND HERE ESPECIALLY IF IT INVOLVES KINK OR LEATHER

TELL MY T.V. FRIENDS OUT THERE SOME OF THE THINGS YOU'VE SEEN TODAY WHAT I'VE SEEN, I'VE SEEN, OH CAN I SAY SOME THINGS YEAH GO FOR IT I'VE SEEN ASSES -A LOT OF ASS I'VE SEEN MASSES -NICE AND SOME OTHER I WONT MENTION YOU WANT TO TELL ANYONE A MESSAGE ABOUT THIS LIKE TELL THEM WHY THEY SHOULD COME TO THIS FOLSOM STREET FAIR THE ONLY PLACE IN THE WORLD WE CAN BE FREE AND LEATHER AND NAKED AND IT DOESN'T MATTER TIME FOR A MUSIC FESTIVAL IT'S SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

YOU LEFT YOUR HOME STATE I LEFT THE BUSIEST INTERSECTION IN THE ENTIRE WORLD TO BE HERE TELL EVERYONE WHAT IT'S LIKE AS A BAND TO COME DOWN TO THIS FESTIVAL IT'S FUN AS HELL, IT'S LIKE INDY ROCK MARDI GRAS OKAY WELL HERE THESE SHOES ARE VERY NICE, I'M ONLY WEARING THEM BECAUSE I WAS WEARING MY PUMPS AND THEY WERE TOO TIGHT AND THEY HURT MY FEET

WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO COME DOWN HERE FOR THIS BIG FESTIVAL? THIS IS MY FRIEND AND THIS OTHER WHORE

ARE YOU UH, ARE YOU GUYS IN A BAND? WELL WE ARE IN A BAND NOW, AGENT T RIGHT HERE HELPED BRING ME HERE FROM THE BIG SMALL, I'M ACTUALLY FROM A VERY SMALL UNIVERSE WHERE ARE YOU FROM? A VERY, VERY, SMALL UNIVERSE THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT'S A GOOD GUESS BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS SHOW ME HOW YOU WORK THIS STUFF

OH SH# T CHASING IT ALL, NICE, OH SH# T GIVE PEOPLE A LIST OF WHAT THEY NEED TO BRING WITH THEM TO THIS BIG MUSIC FESTIVAL A BLUNT, A BLUNT CONDOMS LIP GLOSS PERFUME I WOULD JUST SAY BRING THE F# # KING ENERGY TO AUSTIN BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MUSIC AUSTIN IS THE LIVE MUSIC CAPITAL OF THE WORLD AND YOU KNOW THIS IS HOW WE DO THINGS AROUND HERE IN TEXAS I WISH WE WEREN'T ON T.V. WE'D GO SMOKE SOME WEED NO, (LAUGHS) THAT'S WHY YOU (SCREAMS) WE CAN DO A REPLAY ON THAT UM, WE HAVE THE REPLAY OF UGLY GUYS THAT WANT TO TRY AND SAY THEY BANG PRETTY GIRLS AND THEY DON'T (SCREAMS) WHO IS YOUR MAN RIGHT HERE? WHEN HE'S SOBER ONLY WHEN I'M SOBER

(SINGING) DOESN'T NASHVILLE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE CALL THEMSELVES THE MUSIC CAPITAL NO AUSTIN, ATX, ATX FOR SURE SORRY NASHVILLE -SORRY NASHVILLE, SUCKS TO SUCK WISCONSIN, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU THINK OF WISCONSIN? YOU GOT CHEESE, IT'S THE BADGER STATE RIGHT? THERE'S BEER THERE AND THEY DO A LITTLE THING CALLED SUMMERFEST AND PEOPLE GET REALLY DRUNK AND WE SHOOT IT AND WE GET T.V. GOLD

WHAT BRINGS YOU GUYS HERE, WHAT IS THE MAIN ATTRACTION BECAUSE THEY CALL IT A MUSIC FESTIVAL ARE YOU HERE FOR MUSIC? -YEAH MUSIC GIRLS, WHAT'S THE ORDER, GIMME THE ORDER GIRLS, MUSIC I LOVE YOUR SHOW -HEY BE CAREFUL WE'RE VERY CLOSE TO DRUNKS IN THE WILD YOU GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR THESE GUYS, HE'S BEEN AT IT ALL NIGHT LONG HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH YOUR MOVES? THIS IS SCARY, YOU COULD PISS OFF A DRUNK AND IT COULD TURN UGLY LIKE THAT I'M GOING TO TRY SOMETHING VERY DANGEROUS I'M GOING TO TRY TO ENTER INTO THEIR WORLD

TELL THEM WHAT MAKES CHEESE SO SPECIAL CREAMY, DELICIOUS -IT'S THE HOLES I SWEAR TO GOD IT'S THE HOLES

I WANT SOME WISCONSIN FACTS GIMME SOME FACTS -BY ALL MEANS THE BADGER STATE, WHY IS IT CALLED THAT? IT'S CALLED THE BADGER STATE BECAUSE IN THESE LITTLE CREEKS ON THE SIDE OF THE WOODS THEY HAVE BADGERS FLOATING UP AND THEY'LL TEAR YOU APART MAN (LAUGHS) THEY WILL, THEY WILL, I ADVISE YOU MAN WE'VE JUST BASICALLY TALKED TO DRUNK PEOPLE, DO YOU THINK THAT WAS A WISE MOVE ON OUR PART? I'M GOING TO SAY THAT'S A WISE MOVE CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT WE'VE LISTENED TO EVERY BAND HERE WE'VE HAD A GOOD TIME NO MATTER IF THEY'RE GOOD, BAD, WHATEVER WE LISTENED I LOVE.. -KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT SUMMERFEST? I NOTICE THERE IS NOT A VARIETY OF DRINKING GOING ON, IT'S PRETTY MUCH BEER YEAH (ALL AGREE) GIMME SOME MORE WISCONSIN FACTS ALL RIGHT WISCONSIN FACTS EXIST WE HEY, WISCONSIN WE WANT SOME PU# # Y WISCONSIN PEOPLE DRINK MORE THAN ANYONE EVER, I PROMISE THAT EXCEPT GERMAN PEOPLE CAUSE GERMAN PEOPLE ARE CRAZY BUT WISCONSIN PEOPLE DRINK I'VE BEEN WAITING LIKE SINCE I CAN DRINK TO COME HERE IT'S BEEN AWESOME

WHAT'S THE BEST CHEESE? -THAT ONE SAY CHEESE CRAIG -COLBY! I DON'T KNOW I HATE 'EM ALL CHEESE CURDS ARE THE BEST. (SCREAMS) THAT'S IT FROM WISCONSIN, THANK YOU GUYS FOR WATCHING I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR HAVING US WONDERFUL PEOPLE HERE IN MILWAUKEE WE HAD A BLAST KEEP WATCHING, WE'RE OUT OF HERE FRIGGIN MAYHEM

WOW, THAT SHOW WAS JUST PACKED FULL OF STUFF IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO PUT THAT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE HAD SO MUCH GOOD STUFF, WE'RE TRYING TO CRAM IT IN A HALF HOUR. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AND KEEP ON WATCHING THIS SILLY SHOW BECAUSE WE HAVE ALL SORTS OF CRAZY FESTIVALS COMING UP IN THE MONTHS AHEAD ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU GUYS LATER, AND THANKS FOR WATCHING WE'VE SEEN SOME DRUNK DANCING, I'D LIKE TO SEE IF YOU ARE CAPABLE OF -I CAN'T DANCE NO, BUT THE ALCOHOL GIVES YOU SKILLS

(LAUGHS) WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE CHEESE THAT EVERYONE LIKES IT SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW IT MAKES EVERYONE FAT, IT MAKES EVERYONE FAT AROUND HERE, EVERYONE IS A FAT ASS HAVEN'T YOU SEE WISCONSIN IS A FAT F# # KING COUNTRY