Art Mann Presents...

Episode Number: 211

Episode Title: Midwest Mayhem

Description: The show heads to Indiana for that famous 500 mile race. The "Greatest Spectacle in Racing" proves to be one HUGE party. Special Guests: Mario Andretti, Scott Dixon, Dan Wheldon, and Angie Everhart.

Transcript:

IT'S TIME FOR SOME MIDWEST MAYHEM.

I'M FROM THE INDY BABY. THERE'S A RACE THAT GOES ON, BUT IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WE'RE HAVING A RACE? WE'RE HAVING A RACE! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK IN HIGH DEF? OH YEAH.

WELCOME TO THE SHOW MY FRIENDS, HOW YA DOIN? NOW LISTEN, YOU CAN'T DO A SHOW ON THE MIDWEST AND NOW COME HERE TO INDY. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. WE'LL START HERE, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW THE PARTIES THAT ARE AROUND INDY. AND CHECK OUT SOME NIGHT LIFE HERE.

WE'RE GOING TO TALK TO ALL THE DRIVERS. IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD SHOW. MY HEART'S ALREADY BEATING, THIS ACCESS RIGHT HERE, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY OUT OF CONTROL. LOOK IT. LOOK IT, WE'RE RIGHT HERE. YEAH, INDY CARS.

MICHAEL SERIOUSLY, HOW DOES THIS FEEL TO GET BEHIND THAT WHEEL AGAIN. IT'S BEEN FEELING GOOD. I'M REALLY FEELING GOOD AND IT'S REALLY COOL TO BE OUT THERE WITH MY KID. THAT'S ABSOLUTELY, I MEAN I'M A DAD, THERE ARE DADS OUT THERE, THAT HAS GOT TO BE ABSOLUTELY JUST, YOU CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE THAT. YOU REALLY CAN'T, YOU KNOW I WAS OUT THERE WITH MY DAD YOU KNOW I RACED AGAINST HIM AND NOW DOING IT WITH MY SON IS JUST SO COOL. HOW MANY CARS DO YOU HAVE IN THE FIELD. WE HAVE FIVE. WHOLLY CRAP. I LIKE THOSE ODDS. YEAH, YEAH I KNOW. WE GOTTA GET EM WITH NUMBERS YOU KNOW. BUT THAT FINAL LAP, IF IT IS ONE OF YOUR GUYS IN FRONT, TELL ME WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. UH, YOUR NUMBER 2. THE GUY IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. WELL, GOOD BYE. YEAH IF HE DOESN'T MOVE OVER HE'S FIRED. (LAUGHS) I WONDER ABOUT THIS CAUSE IN YOUR SHOW TODAY WE'RE GOING TO SHOW SOME OF THE CRAZINESS THAT GOES ON AROUND THIS PLACE. IT'S AMAZING. HAVE YOU GOTTEN A LITTLE TASTE OF THAT OF WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE MOTOR HOMES AND ALL THAT. OH, THEY GET CRAZY, YOU GOTTA GET OVER THERE ON GEORGETOWN ROAD TONIGHT YOU KNOW ESPECIALLY IF THE WEATHER IS HOT, AND PEOPLE GET CRAZY.

SEE IF YOU WIN THIS RACE, YOUR GRILL FOREVER ON THAT TROPHY. THAT'S PRETTY COOL. IT IS 110 POUNDS, THAT THING IS MADE OUT OF STERLING SILVER. THAT'S A COOL TROPHY.

(ENGINE REVVING)

HOW'S IT GOING MAN? I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE HERE AT INDIANAPOLIS AND WE ARE KICKING ASS, WE'RE DOING PRETTY GOOD. HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE CHANCE TO LEAVE THESE GROUNDS AND SEE WHAT GOES ON AROUND THIS TRACK. I CAN TELL YOU THAT I CAME OVER HERE A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO, INDIANAPOLIS WAS DEAD. WENT AROUND THERE THREE DAYS AGO AND WAS LIKE EH, IT FELT LIKE MIAMI BEACH, WHEN I LEAVE EVERYONE WAS OUT THERE ON THE STREET, IT WAS SUPER COOL. I REALLY LIKE THIS. ARE THERE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN INDY, GO MAX. YOU KNOW I'M MARRIED, SO I WILL SAY I LOOK AT THE MENU, BUT I EAT AT HOME. HOW DOES THAT MENU LOOK. THE MENU IS VERY ITALIAN, YOU KNOW A LOT OF FLAVORS.

THAT RIGHT THERE, THAT IS A SIC CROWD, I LOVE IT. YOU KNOW IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO COME OUT TO THE INDY 500 ESPECIALLY THE 90TH ANNUAL. HAVE YOU NOW, YOU OBVIOUSLY WHEN YOU WALK AROUND IN THIS CROWD YOU ATTRACT SOME ATTENTION FOR A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT REASONS. ONLY WHEN I WEAR NO CLOTHES. BUT HAVE YOU GONE OUT TO WHERE LIKE THE MOTOR HOMES ARE AND STUFF AND SEEN THE PARTYING THAT GOES ON OUT THERE. I HAVE NOT BEEN OUT THERE, NOT IN MY WHITE PANTS.

YOU KNOW THAT WE SAW PEOPLE DRINKIN AS EARLY AS 9 A.M. I KNOW, I WAS HERE EARLIER AND THERE WERE PEOPLE WALKING AROUND WITH CANS OF MILLER LIGHTS, THAT IS ALWAYS A GOOD THING. YOU KNOW THIS DAY EVERY YEAR GETS PRETTY BIG, YOU KNOW THEY GOT A LOT OF BIG BANDS AND STUFF AND I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO COME HERE FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS BEFORE I WAS RACING SO I COULD PARTY. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO NOW OBVIOUSLY THE DOWNSIDE IS YOU CAN'T PARTY ANYMORE NAH. THE UPSIDE IS YOUR DRIVIN FRIGGIN INDY 500. IT'S PRETTY COOL YOU KNOW MAN TONS OF PEOPLE WHEN YOU WALK OUT ON RACE DAY THERE ARE 400,000 PEOPLE IT'S SOMETHING LIKE NOTHING ELSE. TELL EVERYONE WATCHING IF THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT MAYBE GOING INTO THIS, MAYBE IT IS A YOUNG GUY OUT THERE WANTS TO BE A RACE DRIVER, DO CHICKS DIG THIS OR WHAT? OH THEY LOVE IT.

YOU THROW ONE OF THOSE FEET UP HERE AND SHOW THE PEOPLE AT HOME WHAT YOUR WEARIN?

JUST A LITTLE PUMA RACE BOOT, HEY IT'S GOT MY SIGNATURE HERE, MY FLAG HERE, AND THEN OBVIOUSLY MY RACE # HERE BUT WHAT TIME YOU THINK THE BOOZIN STARTED OUT THERE. UH, I SAW SOME PEOPLE DRINKIN WHEN I DROVE IN AND I DROVE IN AT 8 A.M. SO THEY ARE DEFINITELY UNDER THE INFLUENCE BUT THEY ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH IT. YOU GUYS WHAT IS IT ABOUT RACING THAT JUST BRINGS OUT A FUN CROWD LIKE THIS. OH, CARVE DAY, IT'S AWESOME. THAT'S RIGHT, SPEEDIN THE LADIES. LOUD CARS AND FAST WOMEN. ALCOHOL. NICE. (LAUGHING) OUR OLD FRIEND AL. DUDE I LOVE THIS. JUST BEING ON THE TEAM, THAT'S ALL YOU NEED HUH? THESE CHICKS DIG YOU. YEAH.

NICE TO HAVE MARIO ALL TO YOURSELF HUH GIRLS? YEAH OF COURSE. MICHAEL HAS TURNED INTO QUITE THE TEAM OWNER HERE, PUTTING 5 CARS IN THE FIELD, WHAT KIND OF INPUT DOSE DAD STILL HAVE? OH, I DON'T HAVE ANY INPUT IN THAT. HE HAS SO MOSTLY BY CHOICE, YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO. WELL, YEAH IT IS BY CHOICE AND HE DOESN'T REALLY NEED THAT TYPE OF INPUT. HE HAS A TEAM THAT IS TOTALLY TOGETHER. A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT YOU TO SIGN THINGS. WHAT IS THE STRANGEST THING YOU HAVE SIGNED OVER THE YEARS? I DON'T THINK I CAN SAY IT. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GO THERE. HEY GUYS, CAN WE MAKE SOME NOISE FOR MARIO RIGHT HERE? (CHEERING)

WELL THIS IS A RARE VIEW OF THE ENGINES. LOOK AT THAT. READY TO BE INSTALLED. AND OF COURSE THEY COME FROM HONDA, YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ENGINEERS THAT DO EVERYTHING. THE ENTIRE FIELD DRAWS ENGINES FROM A POOL. YOU KNOW SO HONDA DOESN'T REALLY EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE MAKING EACH ONE FOR. EXACTLY. THIS IS YOUR SON'S CAR, RIGHT? YEAH THIS IS MICHAEL'S CAR. I SAW THESE GUYS KIND OF JUMP TO A LITTLE BIT LIKE HEY THE BOSS' DAD IS COMING. DID YOU SEE THAT? OH YEAH, YEAH RIGHT. ARE THERE ANY SECRETS IN HERE. I MEAN CAUSE I WATCHED LIKE FORMULA 1 ON T.V. AND YOU GO TO SHOOT THE CAR AND THEY CLOSE THE GARAGE ON THE CAMERA. WELL THE ONLY REASON WE LET YOU IN HERE WAS BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOUR LOOKIN AT. (LAUGHING) SO, WE'RE SAFE. WHAT ARE WE TALKING TOP SPEED. THIS UH IS CAPABLE HERE ABOUT 200 AND I'D SAY 40 MPH, 235-240. AND NOW ARE WE TOUCHING THE BRAKES HERE, WHAT'S THE STORY ON THAT? YEAH WELL YOU KNOW CARBON BRAKES YOU KNOW BUT I MEAN THE TRACK AND THE TURNS, NO, NO. NO I ACTUALLY FLY IT. I MEAN THE WAY THE AERODYNAMICS ARE, IF YOU LOOK UNDERNEATH THE CAR, ACTUALLY YOU GET THE MOST EFFECT OUT OF THE AIR THAT GOES UNDERNEATH BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE YOU CREATE THE LOW PRESSURE AND YOU CREATED THE DOWN FORCE. THIS CAR AT 200+ MPH ACTUALLY COULD JUST BE RIDING UPSIDE DOWN.

WHAT SIGNATURE IS THAT? MARIO ANDREDTTI HOW COOL IS THAT, MY FRIEND? THAT'S AWESOME. (LAUGHING)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE FROM THE MIDWEST, DON'T GO ANYWHERE.

IT'S SO LOUD I THINK MY EARS ARE BLEEDING.

OH MAN! I CAN'T HELP BUT JUST GRIN OUT HERE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WALKING ON THIS. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SIC. ALL RIGHT I BEEN PROMISING YOU MAYHEM, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MIDWEST MAYHEM, WE'VE HAD SOME FUN SO FAR BUT WE HAVEN'T SEEN ANY MAYHEM. TRUST ME, THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE.

I SEE MAYHEM FROM HERE, HELLO MAYHEM.

WHAT UP DUDE? WHAT'S GOING ON? YOUR ART MANN. HOW'S IT GOING? GOOD. THIS IS ART MANN. DUDE WHAT'S IN THE COOLER RIGHT HERE? GETTING A LITTLE HEAVY. WE ARE A TRAVEL SHOW SO WE NEED TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY NEED TO BRING WITH THEM. LITTLE BIT OF WATER, LITTLE BIT OF A MILLER LIGHT, A LITTLE BIT OF BUD LIGHT, A LITTLE BIT OF MEXICAN BEER. ICE IS OPTIONAL CAUSE ICE, THE PROBLEM WITH ICE IS IT TAKES UP SPACE. THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR EXACTLY RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, TALK TO OUR VIEWERS RIGHT NOW, PLEASE. THIS IS THE, THIS IS THE, FORGET ABOUT THAT THING THAT GOES AROUND IN CIRCLES, THIS IS A PARTY, NOT ONLY TODAY, BUT THE NIGHT BEFORE THE RACE, IT IS JUST NOTHING BUT A PARTY. THE FESTIVITIES ON THE TRACK ARE OVER BUT NOW IT IS STILL JUST FREAKING, JUST POPPIN NOW, IT IS JUST GETTING STARTED. JUST GETTING STARTED. GIMME SOME SLANG FOR WHAT SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET, WE'VE HEARD HAMMERED. GIMME SOME OTHER SLANG OH MAN, CRUNK, NICE. BUNK NICE BEAT DOWN RIGHT. UPSANKIE SICK HOW ABOUT STINKY, I LIKE THAT STINKY YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

(SCREAMING)

WHAT IS THE, WHAT'S THE SCHEDULE, OH LOOK AT THAT. DOUBLE FISTED, GOTTA LOVE THE 500. ONE WORD, WHEELS. THIS IS OUR CADILLAC, CADILLAC OF BEER. DO YOU EVEN WATCH THE RACING ACTION? YEAH (LAUGHING) WHAT TIME DO YOU GUYS START DRINKING, GO. UH, 9 A.M. WE MET LAST NIGHT AND RODE OUR BIKES HERE. WHAT ELSE DO YOU GUYS LIKE ABOUT THE INDY 500. WE LIKE ALL THE BOYS. YEAH. AND I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE. THE WEATHER IS REALLY NICE. WE LIKE DANICA AND THE BEER. AND THE BEER. WE ONLY TALK TO DRUNK PEOPLE. WHAT GOING ON MAN? THIS IS A (INDISCERNIBLE) I.D. THIS IS MY BOYS, ALL MY BOYS IN THE ARMY RIGHT HERE. OH WHAT UP? I GOT BOYS IN THE ARMY.

WHAT IS THAT? OH SANTA! YEAH, HOW YOU DOIN? MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY. HO, HO, HO HOW YOU DOIN BRO? WHAT'S UP BUDDY? IT'S ALL GOOD BUDDY. YOU AND I ARE TIGHT? RIGHT? WAY TIGHT. WAY TIGHT. THIS IS A BIG MAN. LIKE A COOLER AND ICE CUBES BABY. THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT BABY.

WHO-HA, WHO-HA THE WEE-WA

WHAT TIME DID WE START DRINKING TODAY GIRLS? LIKE 3, 3 THAT'S IT. 3. WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE? OH, 3 YEAH, YOU NAME IT WE DID IT. (INDISCERNIBLE) (YELLING) WHAT TIME DID WE START DRINKING? YESTERDAY 8 O'CLOCK, LAST NIGHT, YAH. TRYING TO GET A GOOD LIST FOR PEOPLE AT HOME FOR WHAT THEY NEED TO BRING TO THE INDY 500. COULD YOU GIVE THEM A LIST RIGHT NOW. BEER ROLLING COOLER. WHEELS. WHEELS. BEER. LOTS OF ICE. LOTS OF BEER. COLD BEER RIGHT HERE, YOU GOTTA KEEP COLD BEER RIGHT HERE. YOU GOTTA A LITTLE BUZZ GOING YET? NO, NOT YET, NOT YET. (LAUGHING) I'M ALMOST THERE BUT I'M THINKING ABOUT IT, I'M NOT THERE YET. THIS MY FRIENDS I BELIEVE IS A RACE FAN, NICE HAT. OH, I JUST GOT A HAT, I MADE IT FOR THIS YEAR, JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL. WHAT ARE WE PROMOTING HERE? LAND SHARKS. WE ARE LOCATED IN BROAD RIPPLE. DESCRIBE THIS CROWD FOR EVERYBODY. WILD AND CRAZY.

WE DO EVERYTHING IRE, THIS IS MY WIFE WE DO GO TINGS. YOU HAVE TO EXCUSE HIM, WE JUST GOT BACK FROM JAMAICA. I BEEN CARBED 2006 YEAH, MUCH RESPECT MAN. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. THANKS, I'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE. THIS IS YOUR FIRST TRIP AND I LIVE IN INDIANA MY WHOLE LIFE. IS THIS YOUR CREW RIGHT HERE? NO. SHE IS, NICOLE. CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE ALL DRESSED LIKE REALLY NICE FOR THE RACE. YEAH. NOW IS THIS THE HONEYMOON RIGHT HERE. YES. YES THIS IS AFTER THE HONEYMOON. TELL ALL MY FRIENDS WHAT THEY, WE'RE ALL HERE FOR THE HONEYMOON GETTING DRUNK. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS RACING ATTIRE? BEAUTIFUL, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. TIED TOGETHER NICE EXACTLY! KIND OF LIKE MY SHIRT, IT IS VERY, VERY NICE. TELL ME ABOUT THE UH, THE INDIANA GUYS THAT ARE CHECKING YOU GUYS OUT RIGHT HERE. UM, WELL, (LAUGHS) SOME THERE IS UH WHICH PART OF INDIANA ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HOW'S THAT? GOOD, NICE AND COLD. LOOK AT HER BEING ALL MELLOW, OFF CAMERA A SECOND AGO SHE IS GOING THESE GUYS ARE NUTS. THEY'RE CRAZY, THEY SCARE ME. YEAH THEY DO. REALLY, DID YOU DRIVE HERE? HOW'D YOU GET HERE? A BIKE. MOTORCYCLE? YEAH. FROM BUFFALO? YEAH. FOR THIS SHOW, THIS CROWD IS PERFECT BECAUSE WE NEED DRUNK PEOPLE. I'M NOT DRUNK, SO. I KNOW, BUT ARE THEY HERE? I'M QUITE SOBER. THEY'RE LOTS OF DRUNK PEOPLE HERE YEAH. YOU MIGHT WANT TO HEAD OVER TOWARDS THE BAND A LITTLE BIT RIGHT? THERE IS A CONCENTRATION OF DRUNKS OVER THERE, WHEREVER YOU SEE THE LITTLE BEACH BALLS UP IN THE AIR YOU MIGHT WANT TO FIND A GOOD CROWD. WE ARE HEADIN THAT WAY. ARE YOU A RACE FAN OR ARE YOU A FAN OF THE INDY PARTY. WELL I THOUGHT ACTUALLY THE INDY 500, I THOUGHT IT WAS THE BRICKYARD 400. OH, YOU'RE A NASCAR FAN? YEAH.

TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS PARTY WE'RE AT RIGHT HERE. SOME PEOPLE CALL IT A RACE, BUT I THINK THEY'RE FULL OF CRAP, THIS IS A PARTY. THEY'RE AIN'T NOT RACE. TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS HUGE PARTY THAT WE'RE AT RIGHT NOW. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THERE IS A RACE GOING ON RIGHT NOW. THIS IS A TRAVEL SHOW, WE LIKE TO GIVE PEOPLE LITTLE TIPS SO THE DAY TO COME TO PARTY IS THE FRIDAY BEFORE THE RACE, RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT. IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME RACING, OH, THAT'S SUNDAY. YEAH.

I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU. I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU! NO, ME FIRST. NO. ME FIRST. YOU'VE JUST BEEN NOMINATED NOMINATED WHAT? FOR NEXT YEAR'S AWARDS SHOW. AND WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S --BUBBLES! DAMN, I LOVE EM, THEY'RE AWESOME. YOU MIGHT BE HAMMERED RIGHT NOW. CONGRATULATIONS! I'M HAMMERED! WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO A RACE? IS THIS A GOOD RACE OUTFIT. YES, HALTER, MINISKIRT AND NB. WHOA, DO YOU KNOW HER? UH, NO I DON'T. SEE EVERYBODY FROM INDIANA IT'S BECAUSE IT IS CAR DAY, I CAN COME UP AND JUST TOUCH ON HIM, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. TALK TO US ABOUT THAT NECKLACE. SUPER VIAGRA NECKLACE. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. GLAD I'M STANDING WAY OVER HERE. YEAH. I WAS JUST GOING TO ASK YOU, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT LIVIN IN INDIANA? I THINK YOU LIKE IT. INDIANA IS THE S# ITS! NICE.

THERE'S MORE THAN CORN IN INDIANA. ARE WE JUST GETTING HERE. NO, WE BEEN HERE ALL DAY. OH, YOU DON'T SEEM NEARLY YOU KNOW HAMMERED ENOUGH. COULD THEY COME, DOES THE FOSTER'S COME IN A BIGGER CAN? THAT'S WHAT I WONDERED. IT'S LIKE I'M WEIGHT LIFTING. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE DRIVE DANICA PATRICK. NICE. SHE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH OH, THERE YOU GO. SHE BOUT READY TO FALL OVER. WHAT DO WE SAY IF WE COULD DESCRIBE THAT WITH ONE WORD, WHAT WOULD WE SAY? UM, STUPID DRUNK. THAT'S TWO WORDS. GIVE US, SOME WHAT GUY DANCING.

HEY ARE YOU RYAN SECRIST?

TELL THEM ABOUT INDIANAPOLIS. OH WE LOVE INDIANAPOLIS. WE ARE ALL FROM INDIANAPOLIS, WE GREW UP HERE AT THE SPEEDWAY. I'M TALKING ABOUT FRIENDLY PEOPLE, PEOPLE THAT LOVE RACING

WHAT'S GOING ON THERE?

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON THERE? I'M NOT SURE. HEY WHAT UP? WHAT UP?

WILL YOU MODEL IT FOR US RIGHT NOW? GO.

I NOTICE PEOPLE STARTED PARTYING HERE AT LIKE 8 A.M. UH-HUH WILL IT JUST GO INTO THE NIGHT NOW? PROBABLY. WE GOT HER AT LIKE DOWNTOWN TONIGHT. OH, DOWNTOWN, ALL RIGHT WE'LL GO DOWNTOWN FOR A PARTY. MY FRIENDS WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, WE'RE TAKING A QUICK BREAK, WHEN WE COME BACK THOUGH, WE'RE GOING TO BE DOWNTOWN. WE ARE GOING TO GO TO A PARTY DOWNTOWN.

ONLY IN INDY, IS THIS A TAXI? NO, ACTUALLY WE ARE OUT HERE PROMOTING CANADIAN CLUB AND UH, IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT TAXI THOUGH. OH IT IS A PRETTY COOL TAXI. THAT'S CRAZY. WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, WE THOUGHT UH, BEFORE WE GO HERE, WE'D COME DOWNTOWN. THIS IS DOWNTOWN AND WE SEE WHAT IS GOING ON. ARE WE IN DOWNTOWN RIGHT NOW? HUH? WE'RE DOWNTOWN RIGHT NOW. NICE ON THE PARROT. WHAT UH, WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE? I'M DRINKING HEAVILY. WHOLLY CRAP! DUDE, IT'S ELVIS. OH, NICE.

WHAT ARE WE ROLLIN ON RIGHT THERE?

22S. NICE RIDE MAN. LOOK AT THOSE RIMS, THAT THING IS BEAUTIFUL.

ARE WE ALL OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK THE JIM BEAM? YES. 21. JUST CHECKING, THE ONE ON THE END OVER THERE LOOKS A LITTLE YOUNG. YOU CAME HERE FOR THE RACE? YEAH. DID YOU GUYS GO FOR CARB DAY I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. OKAY, LET ME HELP YOU. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE THIS SHOW. OH. THE FRIDAY BEFORE THE INDY 500 THEY CALL IT CARB DAY BUT IT REALLY MEANS DRINK DAY. OH.

ARE YOU GUYS HOPING TO FIND SOME RACE CAR DRIVERS. OH, WE KNOW SOME RACE CAR DRIVERS (LAUGHING) I BET YOU DO IN PENNSYLVANIA, LET'S SEE THE ANDRETTI'S LIVE THERE. YES. RIGHT BY OUR HOUSE. IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME IN INDIANAPOLIS. YES IT IS. WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR, GIVE ME THE REVIEW. AWESOME. ISN'T IT TRUE THAT INDIANAPOLIS IS A KIND OF TOWN WHERE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO GO YOU JUST COME DOWNTOWN AND YOU JUST START WALKING AROUND. YEAH. ABSOLUTELY. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS CITY, IT CLOSES AT 3, 2? WHAT'S THE STORY? ABOUT 3:30 IN THE MORNING. IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS DOWN HERE OR IS THIS A RACE WEEKEND THING. OH NO, THIS IS A RACE WEEKEND THING, IT'S ON. ARE WE RACE FANS OR ARE WE FANS OF RACE WEEKEND. WE ARE RACE FANS. I GREW UP AT THE TRACK. EVERY YEAR I'VE GONE SINCE I WAS LIKE 10. WHO DO YOU LOVE OUT THERE. I'M ROOTING FOR SCOTT DIXON THIS YEAR. TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW YOU DRESS FOR NIGHT LIFE IN INDIANAPOLIS WELL, IT'S 500 WEEKEND, PRETTY BIG WEEKEND HERE. WHERE ARE YOU GUYS FROM? INDIANAPOLIS. INDIANAPOLIS. YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE THE CUBS. OKAY, CAN WE JUST SAY GO DANICA PATRICK BECAUSE THAT BITCH IS ONE HOT GIRL. I LIKE YOUR STYLE. ARLO, FOOT SHOT, RIGHT UP TO THAT HEAD.

LOOK AT THIS, A RACE WEEKEND. ARE WE HAVING FUN? HELL YEAH WE ARE. WHAT IS IT ABOUT IT, IT JUST TRANSFORMS THE WHOLE CITY DOESN'T IT. IT IS JUST A WHOLE DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE. BASICALLY IT'S JUST ONE BIG PARTY. WE ARE ABOUT TO BE TREATED TO SOME DANCING. IT'S A DANCE PARTY.

KEEP IT GOING.

THERE'S ONLY FOUR BISEXUALS IN THIS ENTIRE GROUP. TELL HIM WHAT WE DO. THANKS FOR TOUCHING MY ASS BY THE WAY. OH, JUST THIS GUY. THE EVIL MONKEY. I RATHER KISS A GIRL. OHH, OHH, SORRY, DUH. PAY CLOSE ATTENTION FEMALE WHO IS BISEXUAL. KISS TIME.

ARE YOU FROM MINNEAPOLIS? ACTUALLY, NO, I'M FROM LOS ANGELES. DO YOU KISS GIRLS? ABSOLUTELY. KISS ME!

THANK YOU.

WHO IS THE BATCHELOR? THAT'S ME. NO, HOW COME YOUR NOT ALL STINKY DRUNK. I THOUGHT FOR SURE THEY WOULD HAVE YOU JUST WRECKED. I'M ON MY WAY. IT'S EARLY RIGHT? IT'S EARLY.

IS THIS YOUR CITY? OH FOR SURE. THIS IS MY CITY. DEFINITELY. I MEAN LOOK AT ALL THE CLUBS, THIS WHOLE LIKE STREET IS JUST ENTIRELY PACKED WITH CLUBS. ARE YOU HERE TO SAY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A RACE FAN TO ENJOY RACE WEEKEND. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A RACE FAN TO ENJOY RACE WEEKEND. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS KNOW HOW TO PARTY. YOUR LIKE THE DRUNK GUY. YOU LIKE THE DRUNK GUYS? NO. THEY'RE PRETTY ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO A DRUNK MAN. NO. THEY'RE ALL HILLBILLIES. SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHAT IS GOING TO YOUR RIGHT RIGHT NOW? I THINK THERE'S SOME HOT GIRLS RIGHT HERE TO MY RIGHT. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY, WHAT HAVE WE DONE TODAY? HAVE WE WATCHED ANY RACING? NO. I MISSED CARB DAY. I IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU MISSED CARB DAY. WHAT ELSE DOES INDIANAPOLIS HAVE? OH MY GOSH, THERE IS SIGHTSEEING SIGHTSEEING? HONESTLY, THERE REALLY IS SIGHTSEEING. THE RACE TRACK, IT'S THE BIGGEST RACE IN THE WORLD. THANK YOU. ARE YOU A WHAT IS THE TIE IN YOUR RACE, YOU GOTTA A RACE THING WITH THE CHECKERED FLAG. NO, I'M THE COMEDIAN AS A DISGRUNTLED CLOWN. AND I'M A BIG RACE FAN SO THEY BRING ME IN TO PERFORM OVER AT CRACKERS COMEDY CLUB FOR THE WEEKEND. I LOVE THAT. I'M SMOKING. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO SEE. (LAUGHING) I'M DRINKING TOO.

WHERE DID YOU GO? WHERE HAVE I BEEN? I BEEN TO UH CLUB BLUE. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO A LITTLE SERENADE FOR YOU?

LOOK AT THAT HAT ON HIM. THIS IS, CAN I TALK TO YOU GUYS AT HOME FOR A SECOND. GO DRINK, HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT ONCE YOU START GETTING ALL LIKE STINKY DRUNK, PEOPLE DRAW MUSTACHES ON YOU THEY PUT HATS ON YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WHAT'S THE BEST PART ABOUT THE RACE ITSELF? (DRUNKEN MUMBLING) WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE DRIVER? (DRUNKEN MUMBLING) MARK! LOOK! LOOK, LOOK MARK SERIOUSLY WAKE UP. LOOK. MARK. WHAT DO YOU LIKE BETTER? NASCAR OR THE OPEN WHEEL RACE? OPEN WHEEL

YEAH I DIG THAT HAT. CAT IN THE HAT. YEAH. IS THAT YOUR LADY RIGHT THERE? YUP. (DRUNKEN MUMBLING) YOU MIGHT HAVE JUST WON, WE DO AN AWARD EVERY YEAR, YOU MIGHT HAVE JUST WON IT. MARK! YEAH. (LAUGHING)

HE'S AN AUTO AUCTIONEER. HE'S GIMME SOME OF THAT FAST TALKING AUCTION TALK. (DRUNKEN MUMBLING) HERE WE GO, THE NEXT CAR IS PULLING UP IT'S A BEAUTIFUL 57 CHEVY, GIVE IT TO ME. (ART YELLING) YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

DUDE I LOVE INDIANA

I LOVE THIS PLACE.

SHE'S KICKING HIS FEET. WE'RE TRYING TO WORK WITH HIM BUT KEEP IT REAL MY MAN, WE'LL BE BACK. MARK! DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING NICE. HEY

WHAT'S UP? WHAT ARE YOU USING THAT MICROPHONE FOR? RYAN SECRIST, NICE TO MEET YOU. AMERICAN IDOL. AH BULLS# IT (LAUGHTER) IT'S GOOD STUFF. HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO. WE'RE GOING TO DO A NEW UH, LITTLE SEGMENT ON THE SHOW AS WE GO OUT HERE, I'M GOING TO DO A THING CALLED THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT ARE NOT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THE FIRST ONE IS? STEAMING MANHOLE. (LAUGHING) AND UH, KEEP THOSE EMAILS COMING BECAUSE YOU TELL US ABOUT A GOOD PARTY, WE GO TO IT. NOW WE CAN SAY THAT WE ENDED A SHOW SHOWING A STEAMING MANHOLE. IT'S GOOD. YOU'RE NOT LYING. IS THAT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE SEEN ONE? HEY YOU GUYS WANT TO GO TOUCH THE STEAMING MANHOLE. HE WILL. NO. (LAUGHING)

THIS S MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND, WANT YOU TO GIVE SOME PROPS TO MY FALLEN BUDDIES, SERGEANT DAKOTA JENNINGS AND F# # # KN SPECIALIST RUSSELL NOVEY FINAL QUESTION, LET'S SAY YOU ABOUT MAYBE ANOTHER SON, MAYBE A HELLO ADOPTION. SAY HELLO TO YOUR GOOFY SON RIGHT HERE. OH, OKAY. ARE YOU UH, HIGH MAINTENANCE? NOT AT ALL. PLEASE. I'M A T.V. GUY, YOU COULD BE PROUD OF ME. DO YOU EAT A LOT? I MEAN. I EAT A LOT THOUGH YEAH. CLOTHES? YEAH NEIMAN MARCUS UH, MACYS. (LAUGHING)